It happened again the other night at my dining room table. Friends came for dinner and before dessert was served the topic of religion was broached. This is not unusual for a minister's home, but the questions which arise often vary. On this particular night, the conversation began like this: “I'm still not sure what Unitarian Universalism is. What does it mean to have different views of Jesus? How does this work?” As the conversation unfolded, I found myself once again trying to explain that we are a religion which, while modern in its ideas, is rooted in the earliest days of Christian communities and their most fundamental debates. That we have a vibrant, strong faith tradition, despite the fact that we claim no one creed or required declaration of belief. That we are an active movement for justice and compassion, not on the basis of one theological perspective alone, but precisely because of our commitment that “we need not think alike to love alike.” That we are a religious community which has long sought to be a religion of the mind and the heart, of reason and faith, which welcomes both doubt and belief in our quest for religious growth and knowledge.
It was a rich conversation that covered many topics and went on long into the night. But as I think back on the many discussions like this that I have had with others about our way of religion, it seems to me that this last point, about our faith welcoming both doubt and belief, is the hardest one for people to understand. As a society, we tend to think of them as opposing forces, as though doubt exists only to undermine solidly held beliefs, and belief exists only to quench doubt once and for all. And yet, I have found that discovering who we are religiously and what we believe is rarely that simple. Unitarian Universalism affirms that both doubt and belief have important roles in our spiritual journeys. Taken alone, neither is sufficient. As a scientist once observed: “To believe everything or to doubt everything: both ways save us from thinking.” But taken together, they invite us to discover the difference between tested belief and unexamined idolatry, between doubt which invites us to go deeper and doubt which leads to despair, between having enough belief to know where we stand and enough doubt to glimpse the truths we still seek to fully comprehend.
Growing up in this faith, I have come to think of doubt as a friend, not an enemy, of belief. The Unitarian Universalism of my childhood taught me to value an examined faith, a faith tested by the rigor of my own reason and the truth of my own experience. And so, when I boldly asserted in my youth that I did not believe in God, I followed what I had learned in worship and Sunday School and I put that statement to equally bold examination in the days and years that followed. I asked myself, what kind of God was I doubting? What about the many different images and understandings of the Holy in our world? How did I account for the moments of my life when I have felt myself in the presence of something Sacred, of some greater connection to all that is? What then is the source of goodness and my conviction that goodness lies within us? What was my spiritual capacity for embracing mystery, or for the conclusion of science that the more we know, the more we know is yet to be discovered?
These probing questions have helped me to refine and clarify my personal beliefs over time, so that now I am more knowledgable about where I stand. I no longer state that I don't believe in God, but I am clearer about the kinds of God I don't believe in. I do talk more often about the Spirit of Life and Love, which to me is not a personified image, but a name for the sacred force and life-giving connection that I experience in our humanity and all of creation. Call me a mystical agnostic, or a religious humanist, or an old-fashioned deist - I am comfortable with any of them. But I still check in with those bold questions from time to time, just to be sure. I still value the role of doubt in my spiritual growth and discipline. Not a defeatist doubt, but a wise doubt. A doubt that invites me to remember that there is still more to be learned, new insight to assimilate, new blinders to remove, new mysteries to encounter. A doubt that echoes Isaac Beshevis Singer's sage reminder: “Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.” So what would it mean to welcome this wise doubt into our faith journeys?
To begin, wise doubt invites us to go deeper into our religious experiences and beliefs. This is the same invitation that Jack Gilbert illumines in his poem “Tear It Down”: “We find out the heart only by dismantling what the heart knows. By redefining the morning, we find a morning that comes just after darkness. We can break through marriage into marriage.” Gilbert reminds us that meaning comes in layers. Like a Russian nesting doll, we break open one image or conception, to discover a new, more detailed one within. We keep opening layer after layer until we discover the solid center, the essence of the doll's being itself.
Many religious traditions have such wisdom stories or sayings designed to help seekers take up a dilemma or issue from multiple perspectives in order to challenge their usual ways of thinking. The Buddhists have teaching kaons – paradoxes which cannot be understood by literal or rational means alone. The Sufi tradition has a rich collection of Nasruddin stories – tales of a fool who is often discovered to be wiser than his more erudite peers. One particular Nasruddin story illustrates the importance of tearing down our assumptions at times to see a larger truth.
One day, as the story is told, Nasruddin stopped in his travels to visit his old friend Tekka, who invited him to stay in his home. It had been a long time since Nasruddin had slept in a comfortable bed, so he accepted with great joy. On the first morning, his friend shook him awake, looking greatly agitated. "Nasruddin, I am disappointed in you! You have slept with your feet toward Mecca! This is most disrespectful!" Nasruddin apologized, saying to his friend: “Tekka, it was unintentional. I am a very active sleeper." Tekka was mollified, but insisted that the next night he must do better.
The next night resembled the first. Nasruddin slept deeply, but awoke to find his feet on his pillow and his head resting on the floor at the end of the sleeping mat. Tekka stood in the door, glaring in disapproval. "This will never do, Nasruddin. I am a good citizen and a good Muslim. You must sleep with your feet pointing the opposite way from Mecca, and your head pointing toward Mecca, out of respect for the Prophet and devotion to Allah. If you cannot sleep with your head toward God, I regret to say I cannot have you in my house."
The third night was much like the other two, except that this time Nasruddin awoke with his nose pressed against the floor at the foot of the sleeping mat. Tekka appeared in the doorway filled with anger and sadness. "Before you speak, Tekka, answer me this," Nasruddin said, springing up. "Does Allah rule over everything, even the fate of people?" "You know he does," replied Tekka, puzzled. "Is Allah there in every part of His creation?" "Of course he is!," came the reply. Nasruddin pointed out the window at the birds rising from the edge of the well. "Does he live in the birds of the air?" "Yes," said Tekka. "Why are you asking these questions?" "Please have patience with an old friend," Nasruddin replied. "Is Allah everywhere, even across the desert and the mountains?""Allah is the creation. Allah is in the creation, and is the lord over the creation!" exclaimed Tekka. "So, Tekka," Nasruddin said, holding out his feet. "Point my feet where God is not!" (adapted from a retelling by Richard Merrill)
Point my feet where God is not. Tekka's devotion to Allah led him to chastise his friend for sleeping in the wrong position to honor their God. But Nasruddin's questions lead Tekka to examine his own assumptions about his God, inviting him to question whether Allah would be so small and petty as to care about the direction of Nasruddin's feet more than the devotion of Nasruddin's heart and his good intentions. Through Nasruddin's wise doubt, his friend's understanding of the wideness of God and of His compassion is expanded.
Wise doubt not only deepens and widens our spiritual perspective, it also invites us to greater openness and creativity by shifting our perspective in both subtle and bold ways. My husband, Wayne, recently attended a training on creativity and leadership. One of the first things the instructor did was to ask those people who wore watches to switch their watch to the other hand for the day. His point was that we fall into comfortable habits of doing and thinking. Sometimes, a small change can challenge us to think and act in different ways, strengthening our flexibility and bringing new perspectives to our experience. If you no longer wear a watch in this digital age, change something else up. Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. Drive home from work or school via a new route. Sit in a different pew or section in church. Pray or meditate or journal at a different time of day. Then take a moment to notice how it feels, what you see, what you learn.
I thought of this exercise, while I was talking with a friend this week, who is taking a class on spiritual self-care and practice. The instructor assigns a different kind of spiritual discipline each week, which they are to follow and reflect upon. My friend was grumbling about the week in which they were assigned intercessory prayer, even while he was intrigued about the upcoming week of fasting. But as we talked about the class, I was fascinated by what he was learning, both about himself and his own inner voice and the diverse richness of prayer and devotion. Why not set aside intentional time to pray outside of our own comfortable box? Who knows what answers and insights may come from new and unexpected corners?
This openness to creative religiosity echoes the strength of our multi-theological faith tradition. I am often surprised by the assumption that the many diverse spiritual and theological viewpoints of our membership might lead to confusion. In my experience, they lead instead to greater clarity, both as individuals and as a community. The fact that each Sunday in our worship, we experience something new, as well as something familiar; that we might hear from biblical texts one week, or Sufi wisdom the next; that we might invoke the Holy by many names, or by none, is not indecision, but rather a deliberate invitation to look at truth from all perspectives in order to see its unity more clearly. Only when we are open to learning from all sources, can we examine our own truth as creatively and boldly as we can. Only then can we fully trust our own personal beliefs that have passed the tests of our reason and experience.
Last, but not least, wise doubt invites us to value the wisdom of community and the teachers we find along the way. From time to time in our lives, it is not just new ideas or new perspectives which challenge us to grow, but it is other people, whose lives become entwined in our own. Sometimes other people challenge our most comfortable assumptions, simply by being who they are. I think of another enduring lesson from our faith tradition – the Universalist conviction of the essential goodness of our humanity and the mirror of the goodness of Creation in our souls. I have always felt at home in sharing this belief, but there have been countless times in my life where it has been challenged, or when I have been pushed to claim it in a deeper way. When I clashed with a classmate in Sunday School, I had to wrestle with an understanding of our shared worth and dignity that did not require always seeing eye-to-eye on important issues. When I worked in communities which did not value women as leaders, I had to figure out how to build bridges to what we held in common, instead of giving up. When I have been disappointed by others, or let others down myself, I have had to struggle to accept that having that spark of goodness within us does not spare us from missteps and the humility which comes with them, but rather teaches us greater compassion and stretches our hearts to a wider embrace of a more diverse humanity.
And yet, that very same Universalist foundation of the original blessing of our being, while challenging me to a greater acceptance of others, has also saved me from more destructive forms of doubt. In my days of despair, when I feel that the goodness of our common humanity is buried too deep to see, another voice questions my hopelessness and calls me back into relationship to those around me, who have taught me about life and love. On those mornings, I am invited to see my family at the breakfast table with fresh eyes. I am warmed by the welcome of a friend or neighbor, or the smile of the greeter when I walk into church. I take new notice of the patience and goodwill of the shoppers in line at the grocery store at the end of a long day. I read with interest the mention of a good samaritan in the local news. My son, Sam, came home from church the other week with a small book to record his acts of goodness. He had carefully decorated it and showed it to our family with great excitement. And then, for several days, it sat forgotten on a table. Suddenly, one evening, he sprang up from the couch and proudly exclaimed, “I have to write down the good deed I did at school today!” In such moments, I am called back by a wiser doubt, which knows that despair will not have the last word, that some foundations of hope and truth cannot be hidden for long.
Theologian Paul Tillich once proposed that: “Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith.” This is the gift of a faith tradition that welcomes questions and that expects us to grow in knowledge and understanding, in love and compassion throughout our whole lives. To see doubt as an element of faith is to dedicate ourselves to the deepest understanding of truth; to the most creative exploration of our lives' and their meaning; and to the fullest embrace of our shared humanity and all that we have to learn from each other. Doubt and belief; challenge and trust; change and comfort; let us welcome all that they have to teach us and let them lead us more deeply into the wisdom already present in our lives. So may it be.